Submitted by summertimegam
Thinking of the past few blackouts here in Nac, it makes me lol thinking how many of us just chuckle at the face of darkness. >:D
Day One
Now when I post stuff, I know I usually only do so when linked to something duck tape, but this is a blog for my life and thoughts, so why not? I haven’t posted in a while anyways, gotta let people know that yes, I am alive. :D
Today is the start of something big for myself in my life, I walk on a path which I know will not always be clear, and will probably have many potholes and walls to climb over, and I’m completely fine with that. I will not go into great detail on what this is, because it’s deeply personal.
Although at the same time, it is because I fear what my family,the people I love, will think as to why I won’t say. It’s hard to be different, to be the odd ball, but that’s who I have been since a young child. This time will be for myself, to find something which has been missing, and true to my normal nature, I am going to throw caution to the winds and deal with what others have to say when the time comes. Sometimes the ones you love don’t know that what they do in seemingly good intentions, can actually be very hurtful. I’m not one to show it, but the number of tears some words have brought me by my loved ones, on this same hidden topic, has scarred me for seemingly life.
That is why I’m taking my first step towards something which may heal me, give me the true confidence I have always wanted.
I’m going to let you in on a little wish I have only told my fiancee, I dream to be like my grandmother, Neca. I was too young when she passed away to truly be able to know her as an adult, but growing up I saw who she was through the people who loved her and what she meant to them. She was the solid rock in the family, she was the glue which held everyone together, and when she passed I watched that erode away.
That’s what I want to be for my own family, for everyone I love, I want to bring everyone together, especially in this modern time where its only through facebook, or text messaging that you have any sort of conversation with someone. I want to be able to sit at a dinner table one day and see all of my loved ones sitting there too, creating memories together, laughing and sometimes crying with each other.
But right now in my life, I feel that not only am I too young….I am too weak. That’s why I am doing what I am doing. To find myself in a way I have never seen, looking towards the wish I have.
Through time I may divulge, but right now, even with just the simple first wobbly step, I already feel a bit stronger. I feel like I’m doing something right.
Well, I guess we’ll really find out in around a year….maybe longer…only time will tell.
Until next time ( I promise to post something duck tapey then),
Melissa
The Process
I’ve decided from this point on I am going to post an image of a creation with each post, hopefully I can get it to where it can kinda have something to do with what I’m talking about in the post.
Now on to the point:
When I finish a duck tape creation, or anything artistic, I have those on lookers who have never seen me create ask me. “How do you do it?”
Sometimes I’m not sure how to answer them, I mean I can describe the skeleton of what I do. Yet the words I say don’t seem to suffice, it doesn’t seem to portray the feelings I get when I look at what I make.
I found myself writing this ‘poem’ on something like that, and as I was writing it, it came to me: This is more than just a thought for art.
I’ll let you chew on that and the other possibilities. :D
Relationships
First real post, woot! Warning, this is a long post!!
As many may or may not know, I am engaged to a wonderful man in the Navy, and I love him to death! We have been through a lot of things together, and one could say essentially that we are high school sweet hearts. Although this blog will have nothing to really do about our relationship exclusively.
I find my self often being the person of my friends who they know they can talk to about anything. Often times I find giving my word and views when it is needed, and staying quiet and letting them rant when that is needed as well.
So, recently I became the audience to the hardship of a ‘friendship’ between one of my best friends and another friend. The two were close, and were good for each other for spiritual support. See how I am using past tense in these sentences…I do not wish to go into details on something I was only the observer of, not a member of. But at least know under circumstances, there is no longer that ‘friendship’.
Yet my best friend came to me for relationship advice and mental support, and through supporting her and giving her my own thoughts on the situation I found myself falling on my own past relationships. And as I was reading through my Myspace blog, I noticed that many a times I wrote poems on different phases of a dating relationship (not all on the same one of course). The break up(the single phase; which can be broken down even more into it’s own sections.), the growth, the crush, the connection (puppy love), the doubts, the ease, repeat. This is a circle, this is the selection process, the Darwinism of finding your soul mate.
With those thoughts, I have decided to compile my old poems I hold close to in my heart into one post. Not only as a look to this version of relationships, but as a hint of what I am capable of doing. So sit back, relax, grab a nice comfort drink and chew over these poems I present to you now. See if you can guess which poem is which phase(note: not all are covered by what I have chosen to show)! :)
So I stumbled upon my old dusty Myspace page, and then found my blog. It was interesting to read all of the posts I had done there. I saw how I grew over the years through my writings, and it amazed me, I didn’t think I had matured in my writing as much as I had.
I decided I wanted to start trying to write regularly again to keep my mind stimulated; although being a theatre major, my life can sometimes be pretty hectic. But it’s at least worth a try!
So I kinda found my way to tumblr through a friend of mine, I had heard of it but didn’t bother to get into it until now. I hope anyone stumbling upon this blog will enjoy all that I put out in the world to be read!
, MD
